wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
