i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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