today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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