My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
