If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
