Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
