please come you make the beer taste better
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
