i jhust puked up my retainher.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
