Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
