there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
