We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize