I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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