mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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