3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
