Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
