I want to walk on stilts...naked
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
