Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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