508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
