He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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