guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
