a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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