Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
