I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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