im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
