What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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