So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
