next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there was a trapeze. enough said
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
