I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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