He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize