dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
