is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
