Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
