Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize