it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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