hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
