I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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