the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
