I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
