EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
