I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
