I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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