Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
