East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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