so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
