Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
