my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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