thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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