But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
from now on my penis is your penis
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
