After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
