I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
