Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
