Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
