I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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