no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
