oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
