We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
