"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
