I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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