How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
