If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
