i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
