i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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