i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
