8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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