i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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