i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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