How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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