Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize