you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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