i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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