happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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